The Trailer Park: Keanu

 

I’m not gonna lie: I really, really like cats. I like cats more than I like most people. So it looks like this movie was made for me.

Keanu, directed by Peter Atencio and starring Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key, is about a guy named Rell (Peele) who is depressed because his girlfriend dumped him. That is, until he opens a door and finds an adorable tabby kitten that he calls Keanu. But when gang members break into his home and capture the feline, Rell and his friend Clarence (Key) spring into action to rescue him.

First things first: that kitten is fucking adorable. I would probably go to the ends of the earth to rescue that kitten (then again, I would probably do the same for any cat). I also love the premise and how completely and utterly ridiculous it is. Two dorks trying to infiltrate a gang to recue their pet cat. How can anyone not love this?

Needles to say, I am most likely going to be watching this when it comes to theaters on April 29.

People Are Losing Their Shit Over Starbucks Cups, And It’s Fucking Hilarious

WAAAARGARBL

Starbucks recently unveiled their holiday cups for this year. The design is quite simple; it’s basically just a plain red cup, as you can see in the picture above (the cup contained a salted caramel mocha, by the way, and it was delicious). This post isn’t really about the cup, however. It’s about a certain segment of the population’s reaction to the cup.

You see, apparently a plain red cup is a symptom of the “War on Christmas” that a certain subset of Christians likes to complain about. I find this to be pretty god damn funny, because (a) the war on Christmas isn’t, you know, real, and (b) because it’s a red disposal cup, and really not worth the amount of hatred people are putting into this. It’s not like Starbucks decided to make a red cup with no other decorations FOR THE GLORY OF SATAN.

What makes it even better is that people apparently aren’t even boycotting this, which is a rational response when a company does something you don’t like. Nope, a bunch of people have actually stated that they’re going to Starbucks MORE now, and giving their names as “Merry Christmas” to the baristas. You know, to trick the liberal heathens into wishing them a merry Christmas.

Now, for all of you whose knee-jerk reaction to this is to say “not all Christians!”, please know that I am fully aware of that fact. I know plenty of Christians who are wonderful (and most of all not ridiculous) people. I’m only mocking the ones who are complaining over the existence of this cup.

Of course, Poe’s Law is certainly a thing, so it’s entirely possible that the person who started this whole thing is trolling us all. Then again, people this ludicrous do actually exist, so it could still be true.

Still, thank you Internet, for giving me a good chuckle.

The Pinnacle of Video Game Advertising

So, I own a Kindle Fire. The particular Kindle Fire that I own has advertisements that show up on the lock screen. It was cheaper than the other models on Amazon, and I’m mostly able to just ignore the ads that show up on it anyway, so it doesn’t really bug me that much.

However, there is one particular ad for the mobile game Game of War. Even though I don’t have a particular interest in smart phone games and pretty much zero interest in this one, it warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart every time that I see it. Now, this isn’t the ad that appears on my screen, but it gives you the idea.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Mariah Carey, Warrior Princess:

Behold!

The ad that actually shows up is even better, as you actually get a full body shot of the very Xena-esque outfit she’s wearing. Here’s the actual TV spot, using her song “Hero,” that you can watch in its full one-minute glory.

I just have so many questions. Is someone blackmailing Mariah Carey? Does she owe money to the mob or something? Does she still even record music? I haven’t really heard anything about what she’s done since Glitter.

I don’t want to get too down on it, though. The ad was obviously meant to be tongue in cheek, and it does have some amusing moments. Not enough to actually make me want to buy the game, but still.

Some People Have Way Too Much Time On Their Hands

As evidenced by this video.

 

Yup. Someone took The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, and then made a mod that replaced all the dragons with Thomas The Tank Engine. Now, I’ve only played a little bit of Skyrim, but I simply cannot stop laughing.

Speaking of dragons, I just got back from watching The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. As it is currently rather late and I have to get up early tomorrow to go to work, I shall give my opinion on the movie tomorrow.